I just pulled up there and people are tailgating and the smoothie shop is open and I remember when getting videogames late at night was a nerdy kind of thing. But now everyone’s doing it. I like to be weird. None of these people were weird enough for me. I don’t mind being in a line with a bunch of kids taking allergy and antidepression medicine, getting their piercings caught on posters and bushes. But I could see these people were wearing football jerseys, talking about working out, and 401k’s.

When did you silly bastards start playing videogames?

I slowed the car down for about two seconds in the parking lot and remembered that I had 1600 (2000, if I plan to catch up) words to write to kick my particular Modern Warfare’s ass. I thought of my girlfriend at home, on the couch, alone, watching some tv show. I thought about how much I loved her and how she expected me back well after midnight.

This would be the perfect time to sneak in and scare her.

I raced back home, opened the door and heard giggling. She was in the office with her headphones on. The perfect situation. Even my trundling ass on wood floors could scare someone wearing headphones and giggling at the sounds from within. I sighed.

She turned and discovered me. “Too many kids, huh?”

I nodded.

When I woke up, before my feet hit the floor, the first thing I did was check my email. There was my cousin and a Mexican, offering me their single finger salutes. I will find you both. And I WILL have your weak spines.

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