The Church of Frank

death

And a convo I had with a friend. The \ are where the IM broke to a new line.

My Friend: Do you think you were ever meant to live a different life, maybe in a different period of history?

Me: Sometimes i think i would have liked to have lived in another time/but i never think i was meant for it/because i don’t believe in meaning/meaning is a trick put there by our hearts when we feel lost and we look for reason, because reason /is one of those things that we’re sorta trained to believe is solid and heavy and good and man, /well, if we and reason are connected, then we’re special

My Friend: Huh/ You have an interesting perspective there sir

Me: i believe that well, we can’t prove god and we can’t prove destiny/those are things that require faith/and faith, like good credit, is hard to come by for me/because i have been disappointed a lot in life/maybe because i let myself, maybe because i put faith in foolish things/maybe i don’t put faith in things now because i don’t want to get hurt anymore/maybe that’s why i haven’t already asked chris to marry me/cause my parents and other people i know failed in the union known as marriage/maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe but/i DO know this/in the morning, the alarm will go off/and i will hit the snooze button like 3 times/and i will grudgingly shave off the beard that has grown for 4 days/and i’ll read the same articles again while i take a shit/and the shower will sting with hot water first/but somewhere else, far far far away, someone is crying at a funeral/and someone is mad at their dad for taking something away/and some is kissing for the first time/someone’s pregnant/a boy runs from his friends, he’s the last one, and they’re playing hide n go seek and his parents /only let him play with these kids like once a year and this is the only time he’s happy/and every day hope is crushed from him by the life he lives and the life his parents have put on him/he smiles once a year, maybe, free to be out of his cage/somewhere a bird sings in a cage/and it is sad, but everyone in the kitchen says wow, what a pretty song/and i put on my work socks and shoes and i think, today, i have to explain to people again that they /can’t get porno at work we’re watching/and we go through space at millions of miles an hour, relative to other things/and you can’t breathe out there/but here? who knows? you could kiss a pretty girl tomorrow/you could wake up at the end of a great dream/you could hear your favorite song ever/and is someone watching? maybe/maybe not/does it matter?/put on your shoes/hit the snooze button/touch yourself somewhere you like/hum a song that makes you smile because it makes you remember something/skip/cry/gasp/lick your lips/dip your wet finger in the sugar/we’re all on this cage together and we just forget sometimes the worst thing that can happen is what?

My Friend: Anal rape by a bear?

Me:exactly, my friend. /hope is between the lines/and that’s a lie/that’s faith/that’s hope/that’s how you get by/looking for beauty and hope/or just realizing that, fuck, it could be worse, this ain’t so bad/you’re about to go to san francisco/a beautiful city by all accounts/and sure, there could be an earthquake and it could fall into the ground/maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe/i guarantee you if it happens you’ll think, fuck, i wish i’d done thing x/not “whew, finally”

My Friend: Heh

Me:this is all true stuff

My Friend: Yup