3/18/21

He said 
he was getting the Lamp Out warning
on the truck
so I went over
after getting my vaccine. 
No one had blocked the driveway 
for once
and when he moved 
his truck so I could drive in
I winced watching him
get out of the truck
body parts touching
as much as they can 
on the way down
purchasing safety with every
successful achievement of tacticity:
hand to pillar
to top of the door
to bottom of the window frame
to door handle;
leg to where the door attaches
heel sliding down
to the step bar:
almost like a spider uses
its many legs. 

He brought me
the saddest little burlap bag
with bits of tools
and when I couldn't find the torx stuff
he dug for an allen set 
in the dark piles of junk
behind the bench seat
"Esto sirve" - good enough.
I changed the bulb.
Did that change the bulb dance 
between driver and observer:
hit the brakes, turn on the lights, reverse light, blinkers, thumbs up.
Watched him climb out again
like this is an army tank
and got mad at myself for not planning for that.

Then he needed me 
to write a check to the Miami Cancer Institute.
He joked
that he would pay for his blood transfusion
unlike some of the faceless leeches
he assumed did the usual.
"Porque puedo" - because I can.
I fucked 
the balancing of the checkbook properly
not knowing 
withdrawal from deposit columns
but in the end it was sorted.

We talked about getting him
a newer and lower car
to avoid the wind 
flipping this Cuban spider 
onto a cranium that had to be 
Benjamin Buttoning toward baby soft
and
he 
tells me he is 
proud
happy 
he sees my heart like his
in the way I deal with my family
and the world.
He tells me 
to tell them
no flowers
give the money to Saint Jude.
He saw it in my eyes
through the shades 
knew
I was not ok with
counting the days
giving me what I wanted
what I needed
what I feared to hear.