Sentence Assignment

I may have gone over four minutes on that last one. I had to quiet my phone timer because it woke the woman from some strange sleep. I think she mumbled, “I’ll cut it off and people will thank me.” So I’m scared now. And thankful that there’s only one sentence to go. I have to write about it for four minutes. And it’s the shittiest sentence I’ve had.

Group relaxation will be cancelled for the duration of the academic year

If they said this to me at work, it would mean that we’re all getting fired. I work at a school, so I would assume this means no one is getting to relax because we’re all going to be looking for jobs and canceling our cable, lawn fertilizer guy, cell phones, motorcycle insurance, trips to Toys R Us to glance lovingly at light sabers, and some other stuff. I have a spreadsheet I need to check. But I can’t do that right now because I have two minutes left on this word roller coaster of DOOOM.

But for my friend Chris who gives me these sentences, well… that guy never relaxes. Chris, this one is for you. Relax. Fuck the cancelation of group relaxation. You relax better alone anyway. One cannot cancel relaxation anymore than one can cancel erections. Sure, time may take erections FROM us, but it will never cancel them.

It will steal them. But relaxation? A motherfucker in a hole can find a way to relax somehow. Mentally. Maybe he would curl into a strange sort of apostrophobic position. Looking like a lima bean.

I got ten seconds, man, but I did it. I finished these fucking sentences.