3/19/21

I was thinking
when I saw your pictures
of those collossal
snowy mountains
if you see them
the way I see
the dried out
high grass
lion plainsy
stuff out along the edges
of the Everglades
and just before I hit
the Florida Keys
as
just
meh.

3/18/21

He said 
he was getting the Lamp Out warning
on the truck
so I went over
after getting my vaccine. 
No one had blocked the driveway 
for once
and when he moved 
his truck so I could drive in
I winced watching him
get out of the truck
body parts touching
as much as they can 
on the way down
purchasing safety with every
successful achievement of tacticity:
hand to pillar
to top of the door
to bottom of the window frame
to door handle;
leg to where the door attaches
heel sliding down
to the step bar:
almost like a spider uses
its many legs. 

He brought me
the saddest little burlap bag
with bits of tools
and when I couldn't find the torx stuff
he dug for an allen set 
in the dark piles of junk
behind the bench seat
"Esto sirve" - good enough.
I changed the bulb.
Did that change the bulb dance 
between driver and observer:
hit the brakes, turn on the lights, reverse light, blinkers, thumbs up.
Watched him climb out again
like this is an army tank
and got mad at myself for not planning for that.

Then he needed me 
to write a check to the Miami Cancer Institute.
He joked
that he would pay for his blood transfusion
unlike some of the faceless leeches
he assumed did the usual.
"Porque puedo" - because I can.
I fucked 
the balancing of the checkbook properly
not knowing 
withdrawal from deposit columns
but in the end it was sorted.

We talked about getting him
a newer and lower car
to avoid the wind 
flipping this Cuban spider 
onto a cranium that had to be 
Benjamin Buttoning toward baby soft
and
he 
tells me he is 
proud
happy 
he sees my heart like his
in the way I deal with my family
and the world.
He tells me 
to tell them
no flowers
give the money to Saint Jude.
He saw it in my eyes
through the shades 
knew
I was not ok with
counting the days
giving me what I wanted
what I needed
what I feared to hear.

3/17/21

I took my walk 
later than usual
and I did the route backward
because a family crossed my path
and I didn't want them 
to think I was following them
it being late
and me looking like
a bearded crazy person.
Ended up having 
the same fucking
problem on the same street
I decided to go backward.
Who
are all these crazy people
walking around at night?

3/16/21

They gave him to me
I didn't even have to sign
and I strapped him in.
Kal El into the rocket
right around 2pm
not quite late enough yet 
for bad traffic
West on the 112
but the sun is up there
putting that July haze
on everything.
Melting paper.
Helped mom out the wheelchair
into the front seat
and the hospital people disappeared
into sliding doors-wooooosh.
There should've been a cold mist.
Drove slow at first
and my dumb brain got the better of me
as I pinballed around the slow people
like there wasn't a treasure 
back in the baby seat.
Couple weeks later
I laughed at my dad
who didn't want to carry him
afraid of a drop
and then
she said yeah well
you haven't carried him much either.
She was right.
Scarier than speeding
through the bath salt eating
moribund Miami drivers.

3/15/21

It's important
sometimes
to let your significant other
have their way
with a violent thing
against you.
Tonight
it was a bump on my back
which offended her
peering out
from beneath the light
tangle of hair.
She came in
with black gloves
pieces of toilet paper
a smile
and pushed as hard
as her 7 week old
double mastectomy let her
until all she drew was blood.

3/13/21

Went to friends' house today.
Good people 
who treat the virus
with respect. 
Went mostly
for my son
so he could play
with their daughters.
It's been a rough year for him
stuck
with his stupid mother and father.
Their cat hunted
a squirrel in a tree.
The kids scooted
biked, played war 
with foam swords
and lay Lego traps for us
though I'm sure
that's just them
being messy.
We had pizza and beer.
In the dark
we wiggled to keep
mosquitoes from attaching to flesh
and in the small rear hatch 
of my SUV
my son sang Dance Monkey
while one of the girls danced
in there with him.
She hit her head once
but kept right on moving.
I gotta say
it was a good day.

3/11/21

There's a guy I always see
on my morning walks.
Walks leaning left 
on his sideways walker
big NASA looking boots
with buckles and straps
on the ankles and shins
lil bald spot on the back
black hair greasy most days
and when I'm downwind
I can smell his very strong cologne.
A thing that always
makes me want to sneeze.
This dude takes himself around
the block
a dragged foot at a time.
I never quite know how
to approach him when he's ahead of me.
Don't want to freak him out
cause him to fall
so I always call out ahead of time
and he always sort of jumps
and mumbles something back
at my good morning
or buenos dias
and then I feel bad
for being able to walk so easily. 
Well
easy for me.